Andrex Ultras
3 years ago today I was arrested and spent a few hours in Leyton nick for throwing loo roll onto the pitch.
As a supporter of a small club, you’re always up against it. You never have the glamour of the games on telly, 1 in 3 you meet down the pub reckon they ‘had trials for Orient’ and most people still ask if Barry Hearn is your owner.
Few years back tho, it went deeper. We were going out of existence and our farcical owner was solely responsible. A man with such an ego he couldn’t believe he wasn’t adored by the dogged East London faithful.
We’d been ignored by the football league & the FA and were heading for non league n quite likely extinction. The second oldest club in London; the first club to enlist en masse in WW1; the first FL club to have a match attended by royalty - resigned to becoming brown bread.
People protested, they made the man responsible so unwelcome that he didn’t dare show his face in E10.
Seemed only right that me n some mates would throw loo rolls onto the pitch to show how fucked off we were. Little did I realise 10 mins later I’d see a copper down the south stand stairs beckoning me to speak to him. I looked around like a naughty school boy and gestured ‘me???’.
As 3 or 4 officers came towards me, it was clear they weren’t up for a friendly chat. Before I knew it I was running down the stand like summin out of Laurel & Hardy. A brief chase n I was apprehended rather aggressively by the coppers and left with some lovely bruises for my troubles.
I was screamed at outside, told I was receiving a lifetime ban for the atrocity I’d committed and was immediately driven to Leyton nick. I got the full CSI treatment. Fingerprints, DNA swab, Ralph cap in an evidence bag - the lot. Even got a pasta bolognese while in my cell with ‘E15 cRiMe LoRd’ etched on the walls. The whole thing was a fucking joke and I still can’t really believe that much time and taxpayer money was wasted.
Still, made for a funny fucking story and the O’s are still about - I like to think some of that was my doing.
Feels good.
Words: Harry Sims
